With everything going on in the world right now, I notice that more and more people are reaching out for a consultation to fight a common enemy: loneliness. It would be a lie if I said that I had never felt lonely. Sometimes I feel lonely, and it’s a very uncomfortable feeling in my chest and stomach. I choose to fight loneliness, and with this post, I want to shed a light that you can make that choice too.

Loneliness is an unpleasant feeling that people who are deprived of social contact with others experience. Loneliness in our time is a real problem that requires a solution. Lonely people often fight with anxiety and depression, making them uncertain and pessimistic. Bad self-esteem does not allow a lonely person to take risks and enter into new relationships. As a chronic state, this can be emotionally and psychologically exhausting. And although maintaining healthy social relations requires effort, close friends and family ultimately make us happier and healthier.

Are loneliness and feeling alone the same thing?

Yes and no. Loneliness is more connected with lacking social contact and connections. However, you can feel alone when you are amongst people. Often loneliness and feeling alone amongst people go hand in hand. If you feel deprived of social interaction, you will also likely feel alone amongst people because you might not connect with them instantaneously. However, you don’t have to be lonely to feel alone. On some days, you lose connection with the world and people around you, and you feel that no-one understands you; you might not even understand yourself. Feeling alone is not always a permanent state – but it can be. If you notice that you feel alone and feel that no one understands you, more often than not, reach out to someone to talk about it. What do you think people don’t understand about you, and why do you think that is?

Influence of loneliness on emotional health

Loneliness forms a kind of cycle that enhances anxiety and fear. It undermines the ability to self organise and to trust in yourself. Because you can’t trust yourself, you also can’t trust the environment around you and can’t predict people’s behaviour. The world becomes unpredictable and scary, you feel no control over your life. Interestingly, people who feel lonely eat several times more food than those who do not feel lonely. This is due to the fact that lonely people tend to do everything possible to feel at least a little better, they can overeat, smoke and abuse alcohol. If you know yourself to be an emotional eater, one of the reasons could be that you feel lonely.

Influence of loneliness on physical health

Loneliness and social isolation may have detrimental repercussions on us. Loneliness can worsen health and increase cortisol and inflammation, which increases the risk of heart disease, arthritis, second type diabetes and dementia. People who feel lonely are more sensitive to Epstein’s virus – a barrel, which is a key element in the development of mononucleosis. Lonely women and men always feel hungry, so they often suffer from obesity.

How to deal with loneliness?

The fight against loneliness requires selflessness, self-organisation, and readiness to temporarily be vulnerable and try something different from what you are used to. Here are some tips that will be useful.

1. Accept what you feel

Some people do not realise that they suffer from loneliness, confusing it with depression or anxiety. To better understand your emotions and sensations answer the questions below:

How often do you feel that you lack communication?

How often do you feel that there is no one, who you can contact?

How often do you feel that you are “invisible” to other people?

How often do you feel that you have little to do with the people around you?

How often do you feel that no people around you understand you?

How often are you shy?

How often do you feel devastated?

If you answered “often” to most of the questions, then loneliness is a part of your life.

Stop your inner critic.

Notice and remove thoughts like: “I’m too boring to make friends,” or “People will never love me.” Such attitudes are a serious obstacle to communicating with other people, which leads to loneliness.

Create opportunities for yourself

If you are constantly thinking that you are unworthy of friendship, you drive yourself into a corner. You stop attending events and, as a result, do not leave home at all. Fight with isolation. Start to create opportunities for yourself where you can socialise with people. If you are not ready to communicate face to face, start online. Sign up for some online classes or courses, join groups and start engaging. If you are already invited to events but you got very comfortable being alone and the thought of being around people is uncomfortable for you – talk about your feelings to someone or journal. Allow yourself to face these uncomfortable feelings and see whether you will feel more ready to be around people. The more you face your feelings, the more prepared you will be.

And if despite all the efforts made, the feeling of loneliness only intensifies, do not be afraid to turn to a professional psychologist. A good specialist will help you overcome internal fears and find the root of the problem.